late night reflections and contemplations

My kids went to bed without fuss or a fight... Trent headed to bed shortly after the kids were down... the kitchen didn't take long to tidy up and put back together... so here I am with a little me time. Some nights I find that I totally stall going to bed for no reason in particular. A few weeks ago I stumbled onto a So You Think You Can Dance routine that I absolutely fell in love with, then I found two others that were equally amazing. One of them was choreographed to a song by Sara Bareilles that I had never heard so tonight I found the full version on youtube. "Gravity." Although the lyrics aren't applicable to me I think it's absolutely beautiful both lyrically and musically. This song along with the the SYTYCD routines that I could watch over and over again.... make me ache to do things that I use to do so well, that I loved so much, things that some days I miss so badly. Of course timing has played a large part in my not being able to do those things and I can honestly say that not one part of me resents having not been able to do those things. I love my life. Our life. We're so blessed. The Lord has spoiled me in so many areas of my life, particularly when he led me to Trent. That being said, I look very much forward to our lives being at a point that allows for me to exercise some of my talents in the ways that I used to.

As of tomorrow I'll be 34 weeks pregnant. Crazy. When I first found out that I was pregnant it took me a long time to wrap my mind around the idea of #3. I was definitely pregnant, my body wasn't letting me forget that, but mentally it just blew my mind a little bit to think of 3. Lately I've had moments where I'm just so done being pregnant that I'm anxious for #3 to hurry up and be here. Tonight however, I had a bit of a "well duh" kind of moment that reminded me of the amount of change that's going to take place as soon as we bring this little guy home. I'm not worried in the least bit about Ethan. He's so excited about the baby and I know he's going to be an amazing little helper. I still worry about Kiari though. Her little world's going to be pretty well turned upside down in 6 weeks or less. We talk to her a lot about the baby and she seems to understand that there's a baby in mommy's tummy and that baby's going to come out. She loves babies, that's not the problem... it's as soon as I pick a baby up that her anxiety levels rise. Granted that's other people's babies... will she respond differently to OUR baby? I hope so.

So tonight my train of thought has changed from, "I hope I go into early labor" to "I want to take advantage of the time left with my 2, our current routine, everything." I feel ready for 3.... but I've decided that I'm ok with being pregnant for another 6 weeks or so. I do however look very much forward to reclaiming my body. :o)